Gooble Gooble

We spent our Thanksgiving with my sister and husband in Oxnard, California.   In my brain I was thinking it was a good idea to go a few extra days early.   Trevor was home from college and he went with us.    Sarah has been doing much better with her behaviors at home.   I thought...well it will nice for the family to see that she is doing better in some areas.   I'm pretty funny.   

Sarah loves going to my sister's house.   They have lots of things for her to look at and get into.   She is like a two-year-old in a candy shop at their home.   Sarah made these little pots of plants.   She basically went around the yard and cut off plants and put in the pots.   I guess we need a potting lesson.   Her cousin had fun doing it with her.   I'm pretty sure my sister is not going to be happy when she sees the plants cut in her yard.   Send me a bill Debra!!!

One funny story was she was playing with her younger cousins.   I believe they came to tell me she wouldn't play with them.   I went and found her looking at a Steam Punk book.   She told me it had nude pictures of women in it and the little kids couldn't look at them.   O.K.  she is twelve and can't look at the nude pictures either.   I took the book from her and she started getting super angry and cussing at me.   Did I mention we were at my sister's house and everyone was there?   Yes that is all true.   I took the book and hid it under a chair in the living room.   Of course, I teased my sister and brother-in-law about the book for the rest of the weekend.   

Another funny, not funny story was on Thanksgiving day.   There is a homeless man that shuffles his feet that sleeps under a tree by  my sister's house.   She took him a plate of food before we ate on Thanksgiving.   The little kids were all looking out the window.   Such a picture perfect moment.   O.K. later that day Sarah wanted her pajamas out of the car.   She grabbed my car keys and started going across the street to the car.   I followed her.   She was super angry and cussing at me.   I told her she could have the pajamas after she apologized and she darted off back across the street.   She was still cussing at me, hitting, and kicking.   I tried to grab her and she fell into the gutter of mucky water.   She was really angry and started hitting.   I picked her up and put her in the car and I started to drive off.   She jumped out of the car and ran off back to the house.  I continued to drive down the street and park to see what she would do.   I saw the homeless man leave and shuffle off down the street.   He didn't even want to be around some angry-cussing kid.   This was definitely not funny at the time, but we did get quite the chuckle later.    

The last hilarious story was we found a junky RV (jalopy) for sale.   We stopped and took a picture of it.   We sent it to everyone and told them we were buying it.   I told everyone about it at my sister's house.  I'm pretty sure I had a lot of people convinced that we bought it, but Todd came home and told everyone that we did not buy it.  I think we should of called the number and tried to pay them to let us take it for an hour.   The story would of been more convincing if we showed-up in it.  Sarah thought our idea was hilarious.   

Sarah enjoyed her time at the beach.   She put on her (too small) wet suit on and jumped in the ocean at every opportunity.  I'm pretty sure my sister and brother-in-law will not be hosting Thanksgiving next year.   They may need a chance to recover.   

Time to focus on the positives

It is the 6th week of home school for Miss Sarah.  It is time to focus on some positive happenings that are happening in her life right now. 

• Sarah seems happier most of the day
• Sarah has not been to the hospital
• Sarah has only ran off once
• Sarah has been completing her school work
• Sarah has been attending youth group Surge on Tuesday nights
• Sarah has been going to enrichment on Thursday mornings
• Sarah has been attending gymnastics at Break the Barriers
• Sarah has started piano
• Sarah went to a home school play group
• Sarah attending church on Sunday mornings - Surge 11:30
• Sarah started a 3D printing class at InnovEd
• Sarah loves doing unboxing and YouTube videos
• Sarah started a blog and vlog
• Sarah is happy!!!

God has been working in Sarah life.   

James 1:2 consider it pure JOY, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds

#15for15

I saw a post today of a local pastor that wants 15 kids to be placed in foster care this fall.  #15for15.  Amen!!  I read the article as fostering kids has been on my heart lately.  Crazy right?   If you know our story!!  I was reading through the article and the pastor stated, "Pastor Criner says the qualifications are simple - all you need is love."   Pastor Criner's heart is in the right place.   I just cringed when I read that post because when we first went into adoption that is exactly what I thought.  Most people think it, too. Social workers try to tell you otherwise in classes.  I believed all you need is love and God.  I truly believed everything else would work out.   It is definite requirement that you will need love, but it is definitely not everything.    Kids from hard places require everything from you.   Love, kindness, patience, trust, finances, willingness to seek out the best medical care, and prayer.    You better be prepared to be on your knees daily begging God for healing for them and you.   Fact: you can not love mental illness away.   Can God heal them?   Absolutely!!   Will it be in your time?   Possible Not!!   I beg you to follow your heart if you are being called into fostering.   I just really don't want anyone disillusioned into thinking that "all you need is love".

I pour out my heart because after 12 years into an adoption of a foster child I am amazed at the amount of trials, issues, love, and joy we have experiences.   We started the journey over 16 years ago.   I have learned and experienced, so much along the way.   God continues to work in me and change me daily.  God lifts me up daily and guides me through each day.   God continues to work in Sarah.   I pray for healing for her daily.   I have a whole army of people praying for her healing daily.   #15for15  I pray now for these 15 families that will take on fostering this kids. 

James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brother and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds

Corinthians 12:9  But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."   Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 

Week Three in the Books

I love her!!!

Yes, week three of homeschooling is in the books.   I definitely knew that there would be some challenges.   Has there been some challenges?   Oh yes!!  Loneliness seems to be one of my biggest challenges.  I am social and like to be around people.  FYI, you are not around other people when you home school .  I really can't talk to anyone because I have to sit with Sarah, so she will complete her work.   She basically has a one-on-one teacher.   I am hoping that she will eventually catch on and become more independent.   Praises:  she has had some good moments.   She will be working really hard some mornings and some other mornings...well not so much.  I am happy to say that she seems happier.   She hasn't had any outbursts during our school day.    She does look forward to the extra curricular activities.   She is enrolled in gymnastics, horses, piano, youth group, enrichment morning, and 3D printing class.   Sarah has also started her own blog and she loves doing YouTube videos. 

 It is Monday at 9:00 and she asked me when she was finished, if we could go on a field trip, and when she could have her break.  She also said she was hungry.   She started at 8:00 a.m.  Ummm how about you finish some of your school work and we can take a scooter break?   We were out on her scooter break (I'm walking) and we run into a lady with a Pit bull.   I'm scared of Pit bulls and she knows it.   She usually tells everybody that I'm scared of them and I don't like Pit bulls.   Well, today she talked to the lady and didn't even try to touch the Pit bull or tell the lady about me being scared of them.   I was so proud of her.   She did yell at me within ear shot of the lady and her dog, "Mom aren't you proud of me.   I didn't touch the Pit bull or tell her you don't like them."   Oh Sarah!!!   

Up next, challenge is to find lots of ways to motivate Sarah to complete her work.   I already have a chip reward system in place. 

The Lord is always with me. Palms 16:8

Homeschooling Week 1

 Look mom, "I'm an Egyptian!!" 

Homeschooling is challenging to say the least.    I was thinking about that video going around on social media.   The mom is ranting about how parents complain about buying school supplies.   She says, "You want a lamp, I'll buy you a lamp."   It is quite hilarious and true.   Teachers are amazing and even though I am not in the classroom, I'm finding out that homeschooling is pretty challenging.  I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet after only three days.   It would be different if I had a child that would sit quietly and work.   Sarah is not that student which is why I'm homeschooling her.    I'm trying to figure out what is going to keep her attention while she is completing her assignments.   She is always asking, "Am I done?"   AAAhhhh No, you just did one problem of your morning work.  It is 8:10 am???? My job is pretty much sitting with her and keeping her on task.   She is super funny and likes to talk about random things (maybe my husband should be homeschooling her because he loves random facts).   Basically, she is off task all of the morning.   I switched her to homeschooling gymnastics class and I watched her stand there and watch the other girls do gymnastics.   Oh my goodness, girl do the gymnastics.   I'm not sure how we will do the fun art, stem activities, and field trips I have planned, unless I can get her to do the core curriculum:  ELA, math, science, and social studies.  So, many positives from these days have been spending time with Sarah, spending time in our Bible, and enjoying Sarah's fun video making.   I think it is time for Sarah to create her own Blog!!   

What I do know?   I love her and God placed her in our family.   Please pray with me for her.   Please pray for success doing school at home and pray for her brain to heal.   I personally pray for patience and wisdom for me.   I pray through all of this she will see what a wonderful girl she truly is.  Romans 15:13  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  

  I like reading on the bench!!

Gymnastics + PE

My first day of school.   My mom made me dress-up for homeschooling!!   LOL

I can act as silly as I want at home!!

Ponderings!!

    It has been hard for me to blog lately.   There have been some hilarious happenings from Sarah.   I get busy and deal with her day-to-day and those hilarious happenings get lost in the outbursts.   I feel like my life is just managing her mood swings.   There are definitely times that are better and times that are worse.   I always convince myself that her life is getting better and then an enormous outburst occurs.   It seems it is always one step forward and three steps backwards.   I just read an article from author Liza Long titled, "    I am Adam Lanza's mother. "  I dare you to read it.  I have so many emotions about the article.   Immediately I thought after reading it,  Wait!! that is my life.   Some of it is sadly true.   I believe those of us living with mentally ill children live in a closed world.  Yes, I do have friends and family that support me and I am beyond thankful for them.  I am honest about my life and my daughter, but there are things that I can't even understand to talk about.   You possible can not understand unless you are living in the mist of it.   I ponder what will happen to Sarah.   There are so many variables that I can not wrap my brain around all of them.  I love!!   I pray!!   I cry!!
       As I sat frustrated in church last Sunday, listening to another sermon about how I need to be in community.  I need to be in a life group with community.   I really just want to go scream at the pastor.  Shut Up!  I can't be in a life group.  Thankfully I did not do that.   Please walk a moment in my shoes and then tell me to go try be in a life group.   The last time I tried to be in a women's Bible study I was called the 2nd meeting from my nanny.   My nanny was telling me to come home because Sarah threatened her with a butter knife.   I dropped out.   How am I to focus on a study when I'm worried about my daughter hurting someone at home.   Yes, the knifes are locked-up and most everything else is which is a whole other struggle. Sarah is creative and finds new things daily to get into. 
      I wear a bracelet on my wrist that says, HOPE.   What does that mean to me?   It means I will continue to have hope in the healing of Sarah.   Do I believe it can happen?   Yes, at times I do believe she can be healed and there are other times when my thoughts are different.   I have to hang onto to the hope that she can be healed.   My pursuit is to be her mom and continue to search out treatments that will help her.  Do I know what I'm doing?   No   Do I give up?  No  I will not give up on her.  Can you find joy and happiness in the midst of pure chaos?   Absolutely!   I am without a doubt all those things and more.   The darkest times I reach out to God and he continue to lift me up and carries me through.   Sometimes God is not there and I walk alone.  I continue to question.  Where are you God in the mist of this?  Is this the life you have for Sarah?  Sarah is my uniquely created daughter and her antics make me laugh.  Definitely, belly laugh at times.  I know her brain does work like other brains.   I need to remember that constantly and believe me I am not perfect.   I have not perfected.... not flipping out during some of her happenings.  I guess I need PATIENCE on the other wrist. 
     I'll leave you with this story that still makes me giggle.   During the Christmas holidays last year our cousins came to visit.   Sarah was all about them and wanted to hang out with them every second.   We went to Yosemite and Sarah wanted to ride with them.   She was disappointed she had to sit with her brothers at dinner, but she managed to ride home with them in their car.  We played games and Sarah was having lots of fun.   I warned them to lock their door or she would just pop-in unannounced.   Well, the next morning Catherine took a shower and went into the bedroom to get dressed.  She didn't lock the door when she was in the shower.   Sarah went into the bedroom and hid under the bed.  She waited for Catherine and popped out from under the bed to scare her.   I am not sure how funny Catherine thought it was, but in the mist of their whole visit I thought that was the funniest.   It is so like Sarah....   my twirly girly!!

OK we recreated those!!  LOL

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."