I made the choice to not take off next year of teaching. I have been feeling pretty good and positive about my decision. Sarah has had a couple of good weeks at school. Yippee!! I woke-up today with excitement that there is only 13 more school days. I absolutely love my students, but I am in desperate need of a break. My bubble was very much depleted around 11:30 am today. Sarah's school called a few times. She was having a bad day which led to her in handcuffs at school. I'm in tears at my school in front of my students. My student have no idea what is going on, but I managed to get them to the lunchroom. My school is amazing because they deployed my kids for me and I ran over to my daughter's school to talk to the officer. The officer basically told me that he had to send her to a facility to be evaluated. I begged and pleaded with him. I finally had to accept that once again it was not in my control any longer. I was unable to go with her and I was told they would call after an intake interview. I went ahead and went home and waited. Sarah called in a few hours to ask me for pajamas. I finally was able to talk to a nurse and decided to go take Sarah her pajamas. She played a quick game of checkers and then told us to leave. I told the nurse were we leaving and to call after the doctor sees her. She looked at me perplexed and I told her Sarah wanted us to leave. I explained that her attention span is about five minutes. Trevor and I stopped to grab food and as soon as we arrived home the doctor called to let me know that she was being discharged. It was very perplexing to me how they make a determination on a ten-year-old child without any medical background. I'm actually thankful because I wanted to bring her home. I'm saddened for all the kids out there that need help and are probably not getting it. I will continue to pray for mental health awareness and more doctors to enter the field of psychiatry (especially for children).
My day started on an up and plummeted to a downward spiral, but as I have hope for the future and for Sarah. I know that I need to take it one second, one minutes, and one day at a time. I choose to be joyful. Is it wrong to be joyful? I place my faith and hope in Jesus. He knows the walk we are walking and our faith will stand firm. I know others may not understand my faith. It is what keeps me going and the love I have for this sweet girl.
I Corinthians 13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Shelley, I totally understand what you mean about how your day can be turned upside down so quickly. Our world does not understand what we go through as mothers of children with mental health issues. It is a minute-to-minute existence, and there is never a moment when we can breathe easy. I think it is wonderful that you are able to put your experiences and feelings down on paper and share them with others who travel this same road. It is beyond difficult, and I am right there with you!
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