Helping those that love Jesus accept your daughter!!

My daughter, Sarah, spent some time at Wagon Train Hume Lake this week.   I can't honestly say she didn't get to experience all of Wagon Train because she wasn't there the whole time.....the long story!!!

The plan for Sarah at Wagon Train changed and changed.   First, it was Sarah would spend the night with me a few nights and then stay in the wagons.   It changed until Wednesday night, then Thursday, and then I heard Friday night.   Sarah had an outburst the first night and it seems the counselor could never get passed it.   Hume Lake even gave Sarah a one-on-one counselor during the day (the most amazing counselor).   They still did not want her to stay during the night.   Sarah could never get passed the outburst the first night.  It was like a one strike and your are out feeling.   Sarah felt it and I felt it.  I need to be a better advocate for Sarah.  

I finally left her on Thursday morning and did not go back to check on her.   She had mostly a great day, but could not get to sleep at night.   She had some inappropriate language.   I feel if they would of let her stay Tuesday or even Sunday she would of worked it out.   She needed a chance to be apart of Wagon Train and not just a guest.  I believe she would of struggled at times.   She has outbursts.  You have to let her work through them.  She needs a cheerleader, conditional love, and praise.  

How do I come alongside her and others to help them understand Sarah?   How do I do this when I don't know how to explain her sometimes?   I don't have mental illness.  I can never profess that I understand what Sarah is going through.   I'm learning everyday how to continue to love Sarah when I don't understand.   Her brain does not connect like ours.   She is different.   She is a creation of God.   God loves her as she he made her.   I am hurt and saddened that she left camp feeling unaccepted and learning once again that she is different.   Shouldn't she be accepted by those that love Jesus?  

I am so thankful for her one-on-one, Breezy.  She just embraced Sarah and fought for her all week. She gave her praise and the love of Jesus.  I know that Sarah successes where due to Breezy.  She continued to just love on Sarah when Sarah was different from the other kids there.

Please Note:  I do not deny that Sarah is difficult and unpredictable.  I have a suicidal daughter at the age of 10 years old.   Please don't think I am in denial.   I don't use mental illness as an excuse.   It is her life and what she has to deal with.   I would take it away from her if I could.   I would give anything to take it away from her.  This is a learning process for us, her, family, friends, teachers, and the church.   

The backstory to Wagon Train:  We signed Sarah up for Wagon Train months ago.  We requested a one-on-one with our church.   We were denied because it would take another student's spot at Wagon Train.   Our church has a huge wait list.   Of course, this was hard to understand because two years ago Sarah went to Wagon Train and the church provided a one-on-one.   Sarah was there the whole week.  The church shared that Hume Lake would provide a one-on-one and would release her at night if needed to me.   I searched for a cabin.   I must of called over 30 different cabins and they were all booked.   I just kind of decided Sarah would not go to Wagon Train.   You may not think this is a big deal.   There is disappointment in life all the time.   Well, when you have a child that struggles with mental illness you want to give them any joy in this life you can.   Her hearts desire is to go to Wagon Train then I want to make that happen.   Two months go by and my friend puts up her cabin for rent.   I jumped on it and got it.   I also had a meeting with the church pastors.   I tried to explain Sarah's issues.   It is hard to explain her issues when I don't fully understand her issues.   I don't believe the doctor's understand her issues.   How am I to explain Sarah?   Sarah is different and she has problems.   She is a child of God though and we are called to love those children, too.  

The bottom line is this is hard for people.   Sarah is unpredictable and that makes others not accepting or scared.   I understand this on some level because at times she is unpredictable.   She says things that are inappropriate and has behaviors that are inappropriate.  She has angry outbursts.   I am called as a parent to continue to love her and be an advocate.  God has a funny sense of humor because this is the opposite of my personality.   I didn't realize this until Sarah joined out family.   I have always been very strong in my opinions, but what I learned is that I tend to hang back in enforcing them.   This is especially hard for me with those I am not close to.   I need help and fall short in this area especially when I'm trying to advocate for Sarah.   My prayer:   Please Father let me be her voice.   Let me be the parent you chose me to be.  

Psalm 139:14  I praise you because I am fearfully and

wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; my soul knows it very well.