Naked pictures!!

Sarah woke-up late today.  She woke-up at 7:08 am.   What a joyous Wednesday and actually a miracle?   The joy did not last long.   I decided to take a shower which is difficult with my broken foot.  First, I went and got Sarah water, ADHD meds, protein bar, and her Ipad.   I watched her take it, but it looked like she spit it in the water.   She said she didn't.   So, she can see my shower from my bed and she was already laughing at me that she could see me naked.  Great...50 year-old chubby mom!!    I took my shower...hopping around and got out of the shower  I had my towel around me and I was on the knee scooter.   She brought in her Ipad and was giggling.  She showed me a naked picture of me in the shower.   I grabbed the Ipad and was deleting the not-so-hilarious pictures.   She tried to come over by me.   I asked her to move away and I went to push her away....so I fell backwards and landed on my broken foot (like three steps).  I even lost the towel, so thank goodness I had the Ipad.   I started crying and she started yelling, then laughing at me.  I told her to get out of my bedroom and I kept the Ipad with me.   I locked the door and thank goodness because she went to get Trevor.   I managed to get dressed and Trevor got me some Motrin.   

I had to listen to her scream and cuss at me for the next hour about the Ipad.   I continued to say she lost it for the day.   It was her consequence for taking naked pictures of me.   She then went into full meltdown stated she was sorry, why does she have to be this way, why can't she be normal like other kids, why is she so mean...on and on for another hour.  Ok at this point I'm feeling sad that she knows her behavior is not her fault, but I stick to the consequence of no Ipad for the day.  I made her smoothie and gave her the rest of her meds and supplements.   I asked her again if she took the morning med and she continues to say that she took it.   I'm still not convinced.   

 Sarah finally calmed down and I started her hair for her Santa pictures.   We made it to see Santa, Bath and Body Works, and stopped by the her protein style burger at In-and-Out.  The struggle is real and of course I giggle looking back and thinking about those naked pictures.  Thank goodness I erased them before she posted them to Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.   I am in trouble when she realized she can do that from the Ipad.  

Forgiveness is hard for most and I would say in my earlier years that forgiveness was something I struggled with.   Forgiveness has become easier and easier for me.   I have to forgive minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day as a parent of Sarah.   I want to set an example for her that forgiveness comes from God.   God forgives us, so we are to forgive others.    We must let go of the anger and not hold it inside.  We must love others.  I love her!  

Ephesians 4:32  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

My Twirly Girly - You don't know her!!

The winter program was this week.   I was literally debating if Sarah should go or not.   I was running the program, so she had to be here.  She came in running and yelling at me that she came to perform.  I was very skeptical at that point.   Another teacher that had her lined-up let me know she had a whole mouth full of  Hot Tamales!!   Candy....sugar and Sarah are a No No!!  She managed to get through the program, but I was literally holding my breath during her performance.   It really all went down hill from there.   Luckily, I had some 6th grade girls, Kyle, and the VP.   It a nutshell I ran over Sarah's foot with my knee scooter and she basically went into complete meltdown.   Her story changed through out the night that I ran over her foot three times and I did it on purpose.  

As I went into a meeting to fight for any help for Sarah in the public school system, I was hopeful.   There were some good outcomes, but please don't act like you know my daughter.   Please don't compare my daughter to kids that do not have issues.   Sarah is unique and different.  I believe she is gift from God and she is special, but she is not like other kids.    She seems normal at times.   Please don't act like you know my daughter and that you understand mental illness.   Clearly, I give you grace because you don't.   You don't deal with her when she is at her worse...no she is NOT at her worse at school.   Her quality of life is not like other kids.  Our quality at life is not like yours.  She can not go do activities at night or she doesn't have friends to hang out with.  We can not go to activities at night.   Please don't act like you know my daughter.   I will continue to fight for her.   My daughter is the most important, but I will show you grace because you don't understand her or mental illness.

I blog so it may help someone else struggling with the same issues.   I blog because I need others to know that my daughter is important in this world even if she isn't like other kids her age. I always say the struggle is real, but it is worth it. I'm thankful for those that life up our family in prayer and support us in our journey.

I John 4:4  "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."

Broken foot and sporting a fancy boot!

The last day of November was an interesting event....Sarah came to my classroom and had lunch with four other friends.   She seemed perfectly fine and having a good day.   I brought my class back to my classroom and was called by the office manager that Sarah was in there and saying she was going to pass out.   I told them to keep her there, then send her back to class.  I received another call and was told she was laying down passed out on the floor.   So, the VP came down to my classroom and I headed up to the office.   Yep, Sarah was laying on the nurse's bed with her eyes fluttering.   I pretty much knew she was faking it.   I tried waking her up and she fell to the floor....after about 10 minutes of her falling to the ground over and over,  she started crying and screaming at me about her brain hurting.  I finally got her to leave the office and took her to my class.   I forgot to mention I had an extra eight students from another class sitting on my carpet area in the back.    Sarah had a miraculous recovery and then proceeded to dance on top of a table, yell to everyone that I'm the worse mom, played Minecraft on the Ipad, playing with toys from the June box,  made the kids giggle, yelled out that I was hurting her, and other things I don't even remember.   I'm pretty sure that steam was coming out of my ears.  I instructed her to stay in class, while I took my class out to drop them off out front.   I forgot to mention that I called to cancel the nanny due to her behavior which really made her mad.   Sarah wrote a note on the door, stating that she was going to the office.   She took off running with the Ipad.   I took my class out front and then went and got her from the office.   She came into the room and was really angry and crying for about 20 minutes.   I had to hold her wrists, so she would not run out of the room.   I finally calmed her down and packed-up my stuff to head to horse riding lessons.   I decided to cancel those too because she continued to go from nice, to mad, to angry, to nice again.   I made her popcorn with butter and sent her for a quiet time in her room.   I had the great idea to clean-up a bit...what a dumb idea.   I asked her where her smoothie cup was and she said it was in the car.   I climbed in the back and reached across to retrieve her cup.   I was wearing slip on slippers.   I was coming out backwards and tried jumping down from the car, but right when I did this my slipper slipped off (hard sole slipper) and when I landed my foot was not on the ground, but on the slipper.  The slipper had turned sideways when it fell off and I landed it on it with my foot.   I heard and felt a loud crack.  Yes, yucky but I did!!!   I started limping and crying while I tried to get back in the house.   I told Sarah I broke my foot and she went into nurse mode.  I couldn't decide what to do.  I didn't know if I should go to the walk-in or hospital.   Did I mention I hate germs, so either place was making me very panicked?   She got her crutches, sweaters, snacks, and her pills.   We got in the car and I drove to the hospital with my left foot.  Or course, there was not one parking spot close to the emergency room and I realized I was going to have to hobble with Sarah's little crutches.   LOL   Well, I saw a man walking by my car with a red wheelchair.  I yelled at him out the window if he needed the wheelchair anymore and he thankfully let me have it.   Sarah retrieve the wheelchair, crutches, snacks, sweaters, and purse.   She wheeled me all the way across the parking lot to the emergency room.  Two nice people actually stopped to ask if they could help.   There was no way Sarah was going to be denied her the privilege of wheeling me in the parking lot as fast as she could go.   Sarah was with me in the emergency room for 2 1/2 hours.   She diagnosing the broken foot to everyone in radiology after she saw the Xray.  Sarah announced it to everyone in the waiting room, she conned the nursed into taking her vitals, chatted with other patients, she retrieved a blanket from the receptionist, and asked him about 40 times when we were next.   So, thankful they were so patient.  I text my sons a few times begging them to come and get her.   Kyle finally came and took her.   Thank goodness because they called me back to the room about 20 minutes later.  Yep, doctor confirmed a clean break and said I was lucky it was not a fracture.   They gave me another pair of crutches and a boot.   I was then in a huge pickle.  I had to confess to the nurse that I needed help getting to my car because I had two sets of crutches.   She looked at me horrified and said I shouldn't drive.   I told her I had to drive home, but needed help getting the other set of crutches to the car.   She was so nice and took me all the way to the car and put both pairs of crutches in the car for me.     I drove home with my LEFT foot.  Thinking back on the day I realized what a great, amazing person Sarah is.   I know she has so many issues, but what an amazing act of kindness she showed yesterday. The struggle is real, but worth all the struggle to be a mom to this child.    The struggle is just part of her story.  Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Future Actress - Twirly Girly

Sarah ate lunch with me because she was upset over a huge googly eye that she had put on her lunch bag, but I took it off after she came storming into my classroom after morning recess.   I sent her off to play football at lunch recess.   The lunch bell rang and I was walking out to get my class when two frantic students came up and said Sarah was in the bathroom and blood was all over the ground.   I ran over there and sure enough there was an enormous pile of blood and Sarah had blood all over her shirt, on her face, and in her mouth.   I guess the NTA found her in the pool of blood and it looked like she was passed out.   I touched the blood on her face and realized it was not real, plus her face was stained and I'm pretty sure that real blood washes off.   Of course, I don't really know this for sure, but at that point I didn't believe my daughter had bleed that much in the bathroom because she physically didn't have anything that was bleeding.   I went back to get my class and left the nurse along with 4-5 NTA's in the bathroom to deal with Sarah.   I'm not sure I mentioned that Sarah goes to my school.   So, I called the nurse in about 20 minutes to confirm that the blood was fake and the nurse indicated Sarah should be in counseling.   I replied that we go weekly.   It was still a mystery to what the blood really was because I sent her out to recess and didn't see that she had anything on her or in her pockets.   I found out after school that Sarah got it out of the prize box.   She won the fake blood!!!   I just almost started giggling and I giggled now when I think about her antics.   Her teacher will probably get in trouble over this one, but leave it to Sarah to stage a dramatic episode of being hurt at school.   Does anyone want to take her onto Hollywood and get her started with a career?

Friday afternoon I had to take Sarah to see two of her doctors.   $300 for both!!   We arrived on time at 3:30.   I really wanted a Dutch Bros energy Double Rainbow, but I did not have time to stop.   We saw Dr. Holstein first.   She added into her supplements digestive enzymes (which led me to buy three different types over the weekend).   Sarah was pretty hyper by this point.   The sweet assistant showed her a new room that was going to be some sort of store.  Sarah came out with Breast Cancer Awareness pins for both of us.   We went to see the second doctor, Dr. Wadja.   He was chasing into that store along with me while we were trying to get her into the room.   Did I mention how hyper Sarah was at this point?   The doctor looked at me and said something about that I seemed to be collected.   I actually told him I was ready to blow and I'm a great actress.   I honestly thought he was going to prescribe me something.   He told me he needed to improve my quality of life.    I really could not stop praying the appointments would be over.   The doctor sat there for about 15 minutes looking at her chart, tests, and medications......I sat staring at the walls because I had given Sarah my phone to try and keep her busy.   He finally decided that we would add zinc treatment and another med.   The struggle is real for her and for m

e.

Cookies....we must have!!! A whole box!!

Friday morning Sarah complained to me of a stomachache.   She had her bucket and was acting like she was throwing-up.   She does this a lot.   I just thought here we go again.   She finally told me she ate some gluten free pretzels.   I looked into the snack cabinet and noticed the gluten free pretzels were still there in a nicely sealed plastic bag.   So, I knew that she did eat the pretzels because Sarah does nothing nice and neat!!   I asked her again and she said she ate some cookies.   Then she brought me the box.   An empty box.....an empty box of Sprout's chocolate chip cookies.   I thought well maybe she ate her gluten free cookies because I keep them in a locked cabinet with medications and other goodies she can't eat.  She ate the entire box except the two that I previously ate.   I still can't believe she almost ate the entire box.   She is a just a little thing!   Her consequence was her upset stomach.   The stuggle is real for her!!

Gluten Free Artisan Break FLOP!! $65 Loaf of Bread!!

I love to bake, so I thought that making this gluten free artisan bread would be a piece of cake.   I found this recipe on www.artisanbreadinfive.com.   It says to make this flour mixture, so I went 

bought all these different types of flours and yeast at Sprout's and Walmart.  It cost me about $65!!  I finally made the mixture about a few weeks ago.   Ok...I guess I really wasn't ecstatic about making this bread.  I decided tonight was the night.   I told Sarah that I was making it and she helped me find the bread attachment to my Kitchenaide.  She really wasn't interested in helping me though....my dream because she always wants to help and it turns into a messier kitchen!!   I started reading the directions again and realized it was going to take me a lot longer to finish this bread than I anticipated.   I made the dough and let it sit for 2 hours, then broke some off and made my loaf.   It had to sit for 30 more minutes while the oven was heating up.   Did I mention my oven stinks (like doesn't always work properly)?   Well, my oven stinks.   I realized after I finally put it in the oven and went to clean the kitchen up that the attachment I found for making bread did not get used.  I used the regular one!!   YIKES!   Ok I just thought maybe it would't matter.   I checked the bread in 20 minutes and it didn't seem like it was baking.  I checked again in 20 more minutes and nothing!   The bread was not getting pretty and dark brown like the pictures.   I took it out and I'm so thankful I didn't drop it on my toe because I would be at the hospital with a broken toe.   The bread was hard as a rock and tiny!!   I just cracked-up!!   I could try to make some more, but now I have to go buy all this flour again.   The Trader Joe's white bread loaf for $4.00 seems like the best deal and Sarah likes it!!!

Update on Twirly Girly. She is 10 now!!!

I really thought I would be blogging more than I have...four posts this year is pretty sad.   I have to say many things have happened since May!!  There are so many funny antics from Sarah.   I need to keep up with my blog!!!

Sarah started horse lessons at Copperwood Training Stables in Clovis, CA.   She absolutely loves it.   Her favorite horse is Jade, but she can't ride Jade.  It is someone else's horse.  Her favorite horse to ride is Smoke.   Smoke is fast and my heart skips a beat when she starts loping.  She asked Kasie (her instructor) if she could learn to do trick riding.   No!  They don't do trick riding.   I guess watching Heartland was not a great idea.   She asked Kasie, "When can I wear spurs?"  Kasie told her when she was 16.  Sarah stated, "I'm only ten...that is like in six year."   I guess she learned something in math last year.



Sarah's new doctor put her on a cocktail of supplements.   I can't believe how many supplements she has to take.   She swallows four at a time.  We did see the benefits before school started, but now she seems to be more hyper.   We found out her autoimmune is really high.   The doctor is trying to lower it with iodine.   This is the first priority.   She is also on a gluten free, dairy free, and sugar free (HAHA) diet.   I don't even think I could stick to this and we are expecting a 10 year old to stay on this eating plan.   Sarah looked at the doctor and said, "you expect me not to eat cheese, ice cream, and yogurt".  She went the next morning and ate some cheddar cheese and then confessed.   Poor baby!!!  She does cheat and begs me to cheat.   I wake-up every morning and make her smoothie packed with supplements and make her lunch.   She can basically have meat, fruits, and vegetables.   There are gluten free options, but they are still processed.

This is a patch from the eye doctor.   Sarah decided she wanted glasses again.   The doctor put the biggest letter up and she said she couldn't read it.  I told him we were not dilating her eyes again like two years ago because we were going swimming.   So, he used his magic and told her he was going to put numbing drops in her eyes...miraculously she could read all the letters.   We were at the doctor for 2/ 1/2 hours because of me.   They kept bringing different contacts for me to try on, so in the meantime Sarah conned the doctor out of this patch.   She is very resourceful and went and sweet talked the nurse into giving her tape, so she taped it on her eye.  She just cracks me up!!!

The first day of school I had her come to my classroom and pick-up her lunch and then bring it back.  Secretly, it is so I can see what she ate.   Well, she brought her lunch back and I looked in it.   I found an empty chocolate milk container.   She just looked at me and said she really wanted it.   It is hard to get mad at her, other than I wake-up 45 minutes earlier to make her eggs, smoothie, and get all her supplements ready.   I have to watch her eat or she throws it away, gives it to the dog, or acts like she spills it.   All in all she has been doing pretty good and we have seen some benefits of the meal plan.

Here is Sarah in her military outfit from Costco that is two sizes too small.   She said it would fit her and she was right.   She is pretty tiny.   Anyway, she says she is going to enlist in military school.   I'm thinking...ummmm...ok!!   Actually I didn't.   I told her she could decide that when she was 18.   Today she wore it to Sprouts and took her walkie talkie to be on a covert mission in the store.   She corrected Kyle and said she was in the military when he told her she was in the Army.   He set her straight with all the branches of the military.



Garlic Festival in July.   What a nightmare and a money trap for us?   Sarah had fun riding the bull, rock climbing, sand art, rides, and wax hand.   Unfortunately, there wasn't too much for her to eat here that was gluten, diary, and sugar free.   We however love garlic....just might get a sitter next time.

I took Sarah to see CMT Shrek.   She always want to go get autographs with the cast after the show.  I keep trying to talk her into trying out for a show, but she always tells me NO!!!

10 Year Old = ears pieced.    I finally talked her into getting her ears pierces.   She told me that it didn't hurt (she had to sit in my lap) and maybe now I will stop bugging her about it.   I probably ask her once a year around her birthday!!!

Twinning at Thomas Elementary!!   Well, we were twinning until recess and then Sarah decided to throw herself in the mud.   Luckily, I had a change of clothes in my desk drawer.   Since then I brought in another change of clothes, socks, and shoes.   

Laughter.....I thought I would be blogging all the time about Sarah's laughable antics, but I realized that it is sometimes hard to blog when I really have a hard time disclosing to close family and friends what is exactly going on and what I have experienced.

I was in with my therapist this week and she asked me, "Shelley how have you made it through this year?"   I really honestly do not know.  I did not have an answer for her and I do not have an answer now.   I probably could give you the Christian response of God has carried me through, but I truly don't know during this season of my life.   She thinks it has been my humor.   I talk to her about things that have happened and I always put a humorous spin on things.   I'm not sure why, but maybe this is how I cope.   I look at my beautiful daughter and can't possible think of a life without her.  I enjoy so many moments with her.    I wished I could have this perspective during the trials and turmoil.   Her issues are real and the struggle is real.

I will tell you one story......I had to laugh with my friend, Debbie, because she understand the struggle.   Sarah has been begging for a bra....Ok for like two years she has been begging for a bra.  She always yells out in stores that she wants a bra.   Louder if she gets an audience!!!   I always tell her No, she isn't old enough.   Well, there are girls already developing in third grade, yes hard to image, but I finally agreed to an exercise under garment.   OK NOT THE BEST CHOICE!! Thinking back I should of waited until summer.   I didn't.....another great mommy moment was in the making.   Did I tell you her classroom is right next door?   Well, it is and my sixth graders love to egg her on with her mischievous antics or as I like to say....inappropriate.   Sarah came running over from her class during my lunch break.   I was just about to enter my classroom with some 6th grade girls.   Sarah came running over with paper stuffed into her exercise bra and yells out, "I've got big boobs!!" I grabbed her, took her in my room, and removed the paper.   I sent her back to class with the 6th grade girls telling her to twerk.   Why they do this is beyond my understanding?   They laugh and Sarah laughs.   I'm way too conservative for these types of things.   Later, I talked to her teacher and Sarah took off the exercise bra in class and exposed herself in the process.   I figured out later that she had not had all of her meds at school that day.   Laughter.....thanks Debbie for laughing with me about it because if I didn't have laughter I would probably just be a hermit at home!!

Funny picture with SnapChat!!!

                She thinks she is cool!!!                          

Sarah decided to put this Sportin'Waves Gel Polmade in her hair Thursday night (it is Trevor's hair gel pomade and did I mention Trevor is home from college with all his cool college stuff)  Sarah said she wanted to slick down her bangs.   Guess what?   It worked along with all her other hair.   Well, lets just say we washed her hair three times that night and two in the morning.   Ok I'm not sure why I didn't call Shelby (my hair guru) or look on Pinterest or something, but she went to school with greasy hair.  YUCK! Shelby told me Saturday morning to use Dawn.   Here it Sunday and we finally washed it out after her first swim on the season!!!

This is a picture of Sarah and her dachshund, Gertie.   Sweet right?   Ok I confess that I really didn't research this breed too much before agreeing that Sarah could get a puppy.   In my silly mind I thought this would be a therapy dog for Sarah.   Ok I found out after we bought Gertie that dachshunds are one of the naughtiest breed.   This seems to be true.   This little sweet puppy barks at everyone and everything.   She barks at people that live here!!!!   Love this doggie, so she stays!!

Monday I thought was starting out quite nicely.   You see most of my 6th grade class is at camp and I only had nine students.   They were being so good and of course I felt a bit of sympathy for them because they did not go to camp.   Then I received a call from the vice principal mid morning that Sarah was suspended from her classroom for two days.   Did I mention that my vice principal is my boss?   She is my boss.   I called my son, Trevor, to come and get her for the rest of the day.   Fred was home sick.   I found out later that Sarah was making paper guns in class, shooting them at students and the teacher, profanity, and quite defiant.   The excitement really started-up when she headed down to the office and continued to cuss like a trucker for some time.  My principal said that she had to try and keep a straight face.  (Did I mention my principal is my boss, too?  ugh)  She must of said 15 cuss words in 5 minutes.   My principal said she was really trying to get her point across.  She wrote WTF on a paper and held it up to her.  She kept asking if she was going to get expelled?   Sarah stated she was kicked out of church for twerking and cursing.  She looked her in the eyes and said "This is F***ing crazy!!!"  My principal said she wished I could have been in the closet and witnessed it all!!   I think it was enough hearing it from my principal.   She said she would laugh about this for a long time.......Did I mention that Sarah was still suspended for two days?     I try and take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.....bring on Thursday.

Joshua 1:9 Have not I commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go"     So thankful for this verse....the struggle is real and so is the love!!!

This is my sweet,  beautiful daughter, Sarah.   She is nine-years-old.   She was chosen by God to be in our family.   We prayed for her and we adopted her on April 17, 2008.   We just celebrated her Adoption Day.

She struggles in life.  Sarah had a difficult start.   We have had her since she was three months old.   I know the misconception is that people assume she should not have any problems because we have had her in our home since she was a baby.   I'm here to tell you that just is just not true.   We have loved her and have tried to find her help.  

I have wanted to start blogging for sometime and after tonight at church I decided I can not be silent anymore.  Our family struggles and we struggle daily.

You see I was asked to come and pick-up Sarah from class in the middle of church.   I was informed that they would be serving ice cream to the kids.   I let them know that Sarah was not to have the ice cream.   Her little body struggles with sugar and when you give her sugar ....she becomes very hyper, uncontrollable, and lashes out in anger.   Sarah (did I say she was 9 and a child), yes took the ice cream (of course she took the ice cream she is a kid) and tried to eat it....I'm sure not a pretty site for the church staff.   I was called to come and get her 30 minutes after the services started.   

This is just one of the obstacles we face each week.  

The other picture is of her pre Adoption Day dinner with most of our family (Trevor away at college)   We had the best time at Tahoe Joes!!   Yes, that is cake they gave her, but we were on our way home!!!   It was a wonderful day!!!

Enjoy the laughter because times will not always be happy.   Trust God in everything because God is there.      The outcomes may not be within your expectations----expectations can be changed, but most important Trust in God and enjoy the times of laughter.