Hammer Time and I'm not talking the song!!!

     My nanny called me to come home last Monday.   She said that Sarah was acting out and misbehaving.   O.K. that was kind of an understatement.   I pulled around the corner..... Sarah was running across the street with a hammer in her hand.  The nanny was in her car with a horrified look on her face.   Sarah continued to swing the hammer around like she was going to hit her car.   I pulled in the driveway and ran over and took the hammer from Sarah.   I told her to go in the house.   The nanny left because I was unable to talk to her due to Sarah coming out of the house and then flipped her off.   I am pretty sure when I went in the house all the therapy lessons went out the door.   I must of used every cuss word I ever heard my dad use when I was growing up.  (Ok I'm on a 21 day no cussing challenge, but gritting my teeth is still in).  I made her clean the mess she made in the house and monitored her every step.   Very interesting is the very next day Sarah had a perfect score on her behavior chart at school.   This has never happened before.  She also did not have any BER reports for the week....which led me to the Halloween store on Saturday.  I also lost/fired my current nanny.   I just love her, but clearly she can not handle Sarah.
    Can I just tell you how much I dislike the Halloween Store?   I'm not sure why they have to open 6 weeks before Halloween.   I need to also tell you it is one block from my house and Sarah sees it everyday on the way to and from school.  Sarah earns chips to go places and we have been there four times already.   I also dislike the pumpkin patch by my house to that has the carnival rides.   Yes that is a fake tongue in the third picture.   She was pretty funny at Dutch Bros drive thru.  She was making the crew their crack-up.

       I met with a consultant doctor this week and I called ahead of time to see if I needed to bring Sarah.   Of course, they said yes!   Not like I had anyone to watch her.   I had to recruit some friends this week to help me out with Sarah while I find a new nanny.   Well, Miss Sarah, was a total pill.   She curled up in a ball on the couch and made odd loud noises during our 30 minute conversation (if you could call it that).   She also would not turn her phone down and continued to move it out of my reach when I tried to grab it.   I"m the parent...right?   I was trying to act like I was half way normal and not start cussing at this child (trying to remember my 21 day challenge).   Sarah also went to the waiting room to get a pen and came back with her hair wet from the water fountain they have there.  We left with a referral to an after school program that is actually in Clovis.   It might take awhile to get in, but hey there is always hope.
       Another interesting thing that happened this week is that I had to get a 1/2 day sub to go pick-up Sarah from school and take her with me to my doctor's appointment.   Thankfully my friend blessed me and picked her up from my doctor's office.   This was a blessing because I sat for almost two hours before I was actually seen for an appointment they said I had to go to or they would not refill my synthroid.   Really?  synthroid.    I have been on this for twenty years and the same dose.   I'm not to the interesting part yet.  The doctor asked how I was doing?   Ok loaded question for sure!!   I was telling him a bit about what I deal on a daily basis with Sarah.   He point blank asked me if I was going to turn her over to the state!!   ????   Huh???  Come again?  No!   I was stunned.  I was saddened that my doctor that I have been going to for years asked me this question.  Do a lot of parents give their children to the state that have issues?   I think I live under a rock.   I know that her therapist and psychiatrist have said she would probably go to a living facility, if her behavior doesn't start to improve.   I have been sent information regarding facilities.  My doctor advised me to get video cameras in and outside the house (which we were already in the process of doing).   I guess I'm sad about the whole week.   We adopted Sarah to give her a better life.   Am I missing something as her parent?   What are my next steps?   How do I keep myself healthy, work with her, and try to find her help?
       Today at church they continue to ask people for help in children ministries.   They are adding another service and of course don't have people to help.  I worked in children's ministries for over 21 years.   I'm on a break.   They mentioned reasons of why people do not attend church and not one of them was for a special needs child.   I believe families with special needs children like Sarah end up not going to church.   I don't stop going people she is a child of God.  She deserves to go to church.   Do I get called out of church every week?   The answer is yes.   I was called out today.  Sarah said her stomach hurt.   I encouraged her to go back to class and she went.  Winning!!!

Bring on this week!!!!

 Psalm 46:1-3  God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Nehemiah 8:10 Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength

Isaiah 41:10  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.   I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.